Snow Shoveling

Ah...Winter time in Ohio. Yes, good ol' snow. I don't think Sheila and I were really shoveling much snow on the day, more so than posing for pictures. I remember walking up and down the street asking people if we could shovel their drives for a bit of coin. No takers...and one weird guy wrapped up in his bedspread wondering what the hell we wanted.

We also didn't do much in the snow aside from going to school and letting other people drive us around in it. It was fun to watch the cars slide around sideways. What's the big deal? Snow with friends? Lots of fun! For parents scraping and heating up their cars - not so much.

I walked a few miles a day in snow or shine to school. I did that because I hated riding the bus. It also gave me time to think about stuff and get myself ready for the day. Sometimes I'd walk with friends, but mostly it was by myself. Not everyone thought it was a good idea. My dad especially thought I didn't bundle up nearly enough. Truth be told, if you walk a couple of miles to school, you're pretty warmed up by the time you get there. He wouldn't hear of it. He wanted heavier jackets and scarves and all that. Of course I didn't. I was perfectly fine. I wore my gloves and my hat and a jacket and that was all I needed. The only time it was a concern was when it was dark out - night out - in the early morning with snow falling and ice on the ground. Then you could seriously bust your butt. I never hurt myself doing it, though I do remember my dad threatening to show me real pictures of what happens to folks with frost bite!! I was like, I'm not out in it that long...and I'm like walking the entire time...and I'd hope one of the passing folk or cars or buses would stop and help if I was down that hard somewhere along the route. Of course he meant well, and what else are you going to do when your kid stops riding the bus that comes by right out side the door and walks four miles up and back to school a day.

Snow was also cool downtown. There was nothing like the big city downtown in Dayton. Everything there was huge with tons of cars and tons of people and snow made getting there fairly exciting. We never had an accident but there was a fairly scary time of driving in an ice storm that was covering the car faster than the wipers could get it off and the time when we literally could not drive up the icy hill of the drive way to the garage.

I can say we were in a blizzard. What did that mean to me? Almost two weeks off from school!!! Woo Hoo!!! For all those that had to drive in it...I'm sure that was some dangerous stuff. Nothing better though than listening to WING & Kirkie in the morning - Steve Kirk that is - telling us what schools were closed. It was either total elation, YES! YES!, or a total let down...all those schools closed and not us? With all the hills and small mountains in Ohio, you could be socked in here and over in the Miami valley near Cincinnati could be all clear.

At school, the cold meant recess huddling up in these huge concrete pipes strewn across the playground. They were your own personal forts and always good for much mischief. If it was too bad out, there would be recess in the classroom. All those kids playing records, dancing and stuff...it was really different from the Florida Schools. We were smarter coming into those schools, and naturally we were dumber when we came back, but I would say it was almost a toss up.

Ah snow. Everyone should have a chance to play in it at least once.

I Carry Your Heart With Me

To my daughters and Granddaughters,

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in
my heart) I am never without it (anywhere
I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)...

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

-E.E. Cummings

Kindness

Kindness covers all my political beliefs. No need to spell them out. I believe that if, at the end of it all, according to our abilities, we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do. To make other less happy is a crime. To make ourselves unhappy is where all crime starts. We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances. We must try. I did not always know this, and am happy I lived long enough to find this out.

-Roger Ebert

Estes Christmas

December 1957, Connie is 6 months old. Gloria, Linda, Rosemary, Connie and Inez all together for Christmas 1957. Mother and Daddy always made Christmas so special. They were big, unique and lots of fun. I miss Mother and Daddy and all that our family was!

In The Good Ole Summertime

Constance Mary Davis Estes in her swimming costume. Summer was a big time for the Estes family. They always took big vacations, sometimes spending weeks at the beach and often at New Symrna and Daytona.

Looking for a Feather

Through out my life, I found that I have a special connectivity with certain people. We are on the same wavelength. It is difficult to explain how it happens, but when you think about somebody and then they call you 3 minutes later to say they were thinking about you, and that happens enough times, you have to wonder if it is a coincidence.

One of those people, was my mom.

Through the years, I would get her mental phone call and have her on my mind enough to know she was thinking about me too. Many times, there was indeed something significant going on that needed some discussion. As life got busier through the years, the line got a bit static-y at times, but the connection was still there. It seemed as the chemo affected her mind, that the static was more difficult to break through.

I walk my dog alot for exercise any my mind wanders to many topics. Years ago, I came across a tv show with a highly sought after psychic that claimed that a relative close to him that had passed would reveal his presence using feathers. Whether it be real or just the suggestion of it, I started noticing that when thoughts of my dad crossed my mind while out and about, I would often find a feather on the ground in my path. Sometimes, this happens even in doors. It has been comforting to think of him watching over me, looking in on my life. As mom's news of no more chemo shifted into hospice care, I stopped seeing feathers. I even hoped that he could be near her to help guide her as she transitioned from this world to the next. I wondered about her parents Inez and Lawrence, and whether they could be there for her too.

As we got to the final days, and even the final hours, when there are no words left to say but "I love you", the connection was still there and the words are not necessary anyway. Even that last morning when she was no longer able to respond to me, I knew she was "in there" as I held her hand and sat by her side.

It wasn't until that night, that things changed. At 11:00p, after a couple of hours where I played every meditation piece on my ipod and barely drifted off to sleep. I woke up with start. I had seen her face in the dark. Mom was young, her dark hair full and soft, a look of concern on her face. It was if she had peeked into my mind for a brief moment and then withdrew. I went to her bedside and held her hand in mine. Her chest still rose and fell with short shallow breaths, but something was different. She was more in the next world than this one and the connection was weaker than ever. I eventually went back to bed and tried not to cry too much recognizing the inevitable was near.

She has been gone for a month now. I still miss her everyday. I haven't seen any feathers but she is in my dreams. She is busy doing her things and I am busy with Nick, doing mine. Together but separated. And that's how it is now.