Go The Distance

Michael Bolton's song Go The Distance reminded me what it takes to fight cancer. To write a blog about my time with cancer is hard, soul searching. What a thing to go through and continue to go through.

The four main things that make the difference in a person's life with cancer are: Faith and Trust in God to guide your path and hold you close, a loving husband whose love, care and support is constant, a doctor who has your best outcome at heart and knows his job, and family who each one gives you love, support and encouragement every day that goes by. This includes your church family and your own family and having each pray for you.

You soon realize you need to face one thing head on and make a decision on how you feel about death. That is - how do you really feel about death? And you have to come to a place where you truly understand how much you trust God. People say they trust God but those are only words most of the time. You and God have to have a serious talk. God has the ability and love to change anything He wants to, if it is a part of his plan. He can cure my cancer and make it disappear in a moment or He can leave it as is. I am a part of a bigger scheme of things, much bigger than myself. God uses many things for the good of everyone and in the end everyone closes out better. I had to come to the place and understand I am a child of God and no matter the outcome, I will be okay and God will take care of me through all eternity.

In other words, I am not afraid to die. I feel I will be here as long as God is working out the plan in my life and as long as He is using this cancer to work in someone else's life. It has already affected many people that have come across my path. A lot of people are afraid to die or are afraid of things they can't control and that will cause them pain. They don't understand God will help them through the pain and provide whatever you need if you trust him with your life.

Gil, my husband, is the first part of my life God put in place. A life mate to love me and care for me through out my life. He is so positive and won't allow me to dwell on negative parts of the cancer. You can find endless bad things about everyday if you think it in a negative manner. It takes a lot of love, good positive thoughts, as little stress as possible, good food, plenty of sleep and follow the rules the doctor gives me. Gil goes to the treatments and doctor visits and hospital stays with me not showing any fear, just love and support. I am so blessed.

In the beginning, a lot of people thought I was going to die in days. In the beginning I knew and was shown that God was in control of the plan of treatment. The right doctor, the right operation, the right chemo and a husband to help me through it all. I let go and relaxed and decided to do everything the doctor said, and as the doctor said, 'take one day at a time'. Don't borrow from tomorrow what hasn't even happened.

People tell you all kinds of stories and you can't let that become your story. You have control over how you see your day and how you see your cancer. You can give up or you can tackle everyday head on with the belief there will be a good outcome. I stayed in the hospital after the operation to remove as many tumors as possible. Who knew my bowels would have to be cut in two places also. I couldn't eat for awhile because my bowels were asleep, It took weeks and a lot of sleep. Then I was so weak. Too weak to walk very far. But in a short while, I started chemo, lost my hair and got even weaker and wasn't sure I could come back from the point I had come to.

Gil worked so hard to watch my every move. So I wouldn't fall, so that I would eat at least something each day. He did all the housework, cooked and bathed me and watched me and encouraged me every minute along the way. That is what got me through. And God carried me through when I didn't even have the strength to ask or know what was happening. The chemo worked and the tumors started shrinking. Six months of hard chemo and many shots to keep my blood count up. There were many nights, I wondered if I would wake up the next day or die in my sleep. I was so weak, when I shut my eyes, I felt like I went down, down into a deep well of nothing, but, I came out on the other side of the first chemo and for awhile was cancer free. It came back in 3 months and I started a new kind of chemo again.

The doctor said my chances were not as good now that it came back, but I decided to be as active as possible and exercise some everyday, eat good, rest well, and keep trusting God. My hair grew back and my color started looking more normal and I felt like being around people more. I started helping out at the office wherever they needed me and I could be of help. Being back around people, going to church and thinking of other things besides cancer helped also. I try not to be around stressful things. I am lucky because I could retire, I am older and have a choice of what I do, and Gil and I have enough money to pay our stuff and live pretty good.

When I first got married, when I was twenty, I felt Eddie and I would spend the rest of our lives together. We had until the end of Eddie's life. I had no clue what the rest of my life had in store. Gil came into my life and we are going through the second half of our lives together. Who knew we would be together? Who knew? God knew, that is who. Someday, we will all be together again. Those who have gone on ahead. We here have our lives to live and people to love and things yet to be done. I am asking to be cured this year.



I have often dreamed of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be

I'll be there someday; I can go the distance
I will find my way if I can be strong
I know every mile will be worth my while
When I go the distance I'll be right where I belong

Down an unknown road to embrace my fate
Though the road may wander it will lead me to you
And a thousand years would be worth the wait
It may take a lifetime but somehow I'll see it through

And I won't look back; I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track, no I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope but I won't lose hope
Until I go the distance and my journey is complete

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart

Like a shooting star I can go the distance
I will search the world I will face its harms
I don't care how far I can go the distance
Until I find my hero's welcome waiting in your arms...

I will search the world I will face its harms
Until I find my hero's welcome waiting in your arms...